I’ve lost my fucking mind
and im honestly not sure how much more I can take it, or keep inside.
You’ve got a gypsy soul to blame and you were born for leaving.
Its one thing if im not want you want. Sure we can still be friends. But dont tell me you still care for me and feelings never changed and to give you time if im not want you want. Your trying to make this easy, but its not. Your giving out false hopes, and dragging me down. You may not be used to this or unsure how to do this, but then just talk and tell me how your really feeling. Your afaid to hurt me, but your hurting me by holding back and its only breaking me more. I never knew how far this would go and I didnt plan on letting it get this far. But I got over my shit and let it all go. While you had me hanging on the whole time. You say nothing about it was fake, and yes i believe you, but its sure as hell isnt real now with your broken words. You worry about us not being friends because you care, but friends dont drag each other down and bring false hope, they dont hold back from each other. Your making this worse then what it needs to be. Maybe its best if we dont stay in touch for awhile. Its not what I want. But I cant have you playing games. I need to do whats best for me now. Im done giving myself away, giving my all, and trying to make everything work, and ends meet for others that dont give a shit. That only care about how they are feeling as long as they are doing fine, then why should they give a shit. They are affected in no way.
I keep trying to drown out my thoughts but nothing seems to work.I just cant wait to get out of here. To spend time out of town. I just want to be around other people now.
If your too scared to fall in love, or be committed then be by yourself until your ready and find some one that is worth taking the risk. Dont hold others down and hurt them because of your issues. Stop running from things your afraid of. Dont drag down people because of your selfish reasons. You know, because sometimes when you run away from something that was good, it may not be there when you decide its what you want, or when youve made up your mind. Some people say that too much of a good thing can be bad. But I rather have too much of a good thing, then not having enough or not knowing what it could have been. If you cant get through a problem the first time, who is to say you cant get through it another time. Are you just going to keep running? When are you going to decided to stick it through, what does it take for you to learn from it. Its not fair to other people around you. I know, sure shit happens. Its life, but if shit in life can be prevented, then prevent it.
I dont really know what im trying to say, or if this will make sense to anybody at all. I’m just so scattered brained. Its time to go to bed. I’ll probably delete this when my head is more clear.
Oh but to make myself feel better. I’ve lost uhh.. 7 pounds.
Oh, you turned your back on tomorrow
‘Cause you forgot yesterday.
I gave you my love to borrow,
But you just gave it away.
I try to tell my self its okay to feel alone. But I just don’t know how to deal with it.
